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Raven's feet moved quickly across the dance room floor, sway right, slide left, step step turn, step, spin. Again and again he rehearsed the moves, every now and then adding something new extra, his water bottle sat forgotten by the stereo, he was sweating profusely. One more time, the song clicked on repeat and he went through it ongoing for most of the day and through on into the night. He had requested not to be disturbed unless for an important phone call, which he wasn't expecting for some time anyway.

He'd already gone three days like this, barely getting any sleep, hardly eating anything if at all, all he could think of was 'it must be perfect, don't mess it up' ingrained deep within his psyche since his younger days rehearsing at 5 years old at the family home in Gary. He rehearsed in a hat and glasses most days, as he didn't want to really see his face, just what his body was doing, catching his own eyes in the reflection would often be too distracting.

After the long bouts of dancing he'd go for a shower and sit for a while on a seat in there, tilt his head back and let the warm water soothe the aching muscles. Sometimes the lack of food would conflict with the extreme heat and he would faint as he exited the shower, some days he would have nose bleeds. The stress was high, be perfect, be perfect.

Raven tonight was about to have one of these showers, but had stopped to take a rare look at himself in the mirror in his room, he sighed heavily, eyes drifting over what he thought he saw. Thin strands of hair wet with sweat clung to his starkly pale skin, the shadows greying in areas showing sign of malnutrition from not eating. He didn't see that, all he saw was words etched all over his body; 'you gained weight boy' 'big nose, you didn't get it from me' 'Michael if you mess up one more time!' 'I made you I can break you' 'smile for the camera'

He pealed off his shirt, slowly undressing for the shower as if in a daze, his eyes glassing over. 'you so black, cant be from me must be from Kate's side' 'why don't you get girls like your brothers!' 'get your ass back here boy!'

He glanced up and met with his own eyes, instant panic set in and his stomach lurched, frantically Raven ran to his bathroom, skidding to his knees by the toilet bowl, dry retching. Nothing could come up and his insides twisted with agony even as his heart raced from the panic attack setting in.

"Fuck" he mumbled devastatingly into the porcelain bowl.

He lent back against the bathroom cabinet to the side, tears streaming down his face. Even just in his trousers and shirtless you could see his frame was dangerously thin, his ribs and hipbones jutted out and he was thankful no one could see him like this. He felt so vulnerable right in that moment.

mjgif221

Date: 2014-10-22 11:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati was in the bedroom for the remaining three days while Raven danced away in his studio. She wasn't really feeling well and decided to give him some space while she rested.

Finally, she decided to get out of bed and take a cold shower to help her feel better. She let the cold water hit her head first before turning the faucet handles to make the water warm. She desperately wanted to feel better so they could call up Karen and do their photoshoot they both promised each other. Raven, on the other hand, wanted her to rest and take it easy before they did the shoot on a gorgeous day.

After Tati dried off and got dressed, she decided to go in the kitchen and eat some soup and salad — just something light at the moment. She kept holding her head up after having dizzy spells for a few days, nonetheless, her head wouldn't stop hurting.

She went to look for Raven when she saw a bunch of tapes — around 15 —poking out of a bookcase. It wasn't right going through other peoples business and Raven told her if she had anything to ask him he would talk about it. Maybe she should go right ahead and listen to them?

Date: 2014-10-22 11:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
Recovering after a while Raven finally got himself into the shower for his usual routine of relaxing after his hard work, the pangs of stomach pain subsiding and his heart-beat slowing back to normal. The drops of water washed away the salted tears that has dried upon his cheeks and he let the shower water cleanse him of his moment of weakness.

It was a new day and he was eager to see his Tatiana again, we was a little worried she'd be mad at his absence but they'd discussed his work and agreed that it's just how things were. He was more worried however about her feeling unwell, unsure what had caused it and hoping she was feeling better today.

Raven completed his shower, toweled off, blatantly ignored the steamed up mirror and dressed himself in black pants and red shirt over a white tee. He left his hair out to air dry and exited to search for Tatiana in the house downstairs.

Date: 2014-10-22 12:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati sat in the library as she went ahead and listened to some of the tapes. So much chaos and confusion rushed through her head about his past life before they met. People left and right hurt him, someone told him he should die, he could only feel good about his weight due to anorexia.

Tears started forming after she heard what his father was like - beatings after beatings that lead to bruising that backlashed saying if he struck him again he wasn't going to perform. It really got to her making her cry that his father picked on his nose being big, that wasn't his son? Why would someone do such a thing.

She could hear Raven coming down the stairs to look for her. She turned around after stopping the tape to look at him.

"Hey, we need to talk..."
Edited Date: 2014-10-22 12:14 pm (UTC)

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Date: 2014-10-23 12:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati woke up five hours later, puzzled about her whereabouts with a needle stuck in her arm. She saw Michael at her bedside which made her frozen remembering what happened the last time they spoke. It did make her feel guilty not knowing why she was in the hospital and seeing him here.

He didn't hear her wake up as his head was hung down holding her hand. She squeezed it lightly as tears started to build up. "I'm sorry..... Why am I here?"
Edited Date: 2014-10-23 12:43 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-10-23 12:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
Raven heard Tati stir and speak in a confused tone, he drew in an excited breath and leaned over her body to give her a big hug, trying hard not to bump the IV needle.
"Oh Tati" Raven exclaimed happily, pulling away slightly to grab her face in both hands, pressing his lips to hers thankfully, before seating himself again.

"You fainted back at the ranch...Why didn't you tell me?" He was meaning about the pregnancy, not aware that she didn't know yet herself.

"I'm sorry I was so mean to you earlier..I" he winced looking her up and down.

"Just took me to a dark place.." He kissed her hand again trying to smile.

Date: 2014-10-23 01:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati made a puzzled reaction to Raven's cheerful gesture towards her after they fought.

"Um.... All I remember was walking fast to my car because you yelled at me to never come back. I had to stop because I got dizzy and.... that's all I remember."

Tati looked at the IV stuck in her arm and questioned that next. "What's this for?"

She looked at him. "It won't happen again. I was curious thinking it was a b-side to some of your music, or a demo."

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Date: 2014-10-24 06:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati was a little pissed off with Raven not letting her go home after changing her mind, watching him but on his disguise as he walked out the door without no affection.

The doctor quietly checked her head and have her something for her headache they wouldn't cause any harm or damage to the baby. She changed the IV bag and gave her a new one before closing the door leaving her in the cold room alone.

Tati felt lonely but it also gave her time to think about things when she returned back to the Ranch in the morning.

Date: 2014-10-24 06:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
Raven hovered around for ten minutes or so glancing outside the door, he'd asked the guards to grab something for him. He was impatient waiting and snapped as the guard came running up "took your time!" he snatched the item a little rougher than he intended. "sorry boss there was a line..er..."
Raven rolled his eyes and mumbled under his breath about schmucks.

When the Doctor finally left again he peeked his face through the door, Tatiana was facing away from him and he sneaked as quietly as he could into the room and placed a vase with a big display of beautiful flowers at her bedside table. He had asked the guard for a blank card, it was very cute a wee bear holding a heart and Raven had tried his best to write in his peculiar handwriting inside.
'Love you my future wife'

He was sure she was sleeping, so he tried to make as little noise as possible leaving his gift for her and exiting. Though his familiar perfume lingered long after he had left.

He hoped his surprise might make her smile when she awoke.

The ride back home to Neverland was sombre and he was torn between worrying about her and going through his rehearsals.

Date: 2014-10-24 11:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati was woken up by a knock on the door from the kitchen staff member making rounds on the floor with breakfast. She was caught off guard after the staff member left smelling a flowery sent. To her display on the table in the room by the window was a vase full of a dozen roses, a bear holding a hard and on the vase with big letters grabbed her full attention.

She was pissed off the night before but the loving gesture changed everything leaving a smile on her face. They've been through a lot lately, clearly, Raven did make an effort by starting to change so she was eager to do the same once they were both in each other's presence back at the ranch.

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Date: 2014-10-28 02:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
"Sadly they could trample us if I didn't have the guards..they mean well, but they don't know that they can hurt us" He sighed, wishing his fans would be more careful at times.

Raven couldn't help but smile as Tatiana rested her head against his chest, he loved having her close and when she wore his coat he was, well, a little turned on, wearing something of his around her as if it was the most right thing in the world. and it was, to him, she meant so much.

His eyes dropped to her fingers entwined in his, warm, comforting, and day-dreamed her one day wearing his ring, and why not? she was carrying his baby now. Despite their arguments, and every relationship has them, they were able to work it out. He hoped to never have that happen again, life was too fragile, what if she'd cracked her head open and died? he was frightened at the thought. If he had no Tatiana to love him, then there would no longer be any hope for him. Raven knew he was a bit strange, but it's all he could be, from his upbringing, there was no normal, friendships so rare. If there was no Tatiana..he wouldn't try again, this was it. He'd better try make it work.

"I'm sorry that I...that we...didn't...back when I first met you many many years ago....I had a lot of people in my ears, controlling what I did..I had freedom as a solo artist from my family but...a whole new set of people took over"
He looked her briefly in the eye to put across the seriousness of this truth he was sharing.

"But I decided to re-connect with you and well..i'm so happy that..you gave me another chance.."
He bit his lip, eyebrows furrowing.
"These four years weren't easy, I wasn't sure if you..really wanted me...i'm sorry I went and married someone else...i'm sorry for any pain I may have caused you Tati..I really mean that.."

he was blushing slightly, nervous as he spoke quietly, hoping his guards were polite enough not to pay too close attention. He hoped his whispered words only carried to the delicate ears of his affection snuggled against him.


Date: 2014-10-28 03:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati clearly understood everything Raven was telling her. A few days ago, all trust was broke lose because she went into his personal and private things. They could of been done for good if she never fainted... but how would she of broke the news to him that she was pregnant? Everything worked out for the better in this situation.


"I can't really grasp back to four years ago like it was yesterday right now. I wish I could, but you don't have to explain yourself. Your past will always be your past. We have a lot to look forward to. I'm happy that you came to the hospital and was by my side. If anything, I want to do the same for you even if you're in another country, okay? I don't care if I'm pregnant and the doctor says I can't fly."

Tati looked him in the eye as he spoke to her. "I know you do. I'm glad we didn't leave each other either." She leaned back on his chest as the guards were talking about something in the front seat not paying attention to their conversation in the back.

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Date: 2014-10-31 10:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
Raven hissed through his teeth, shivering as her nails dug into his back. He loved a little rough play at times and each time they made love it was always something different. Even though they'd been in the shower together before, the experience wasn't the same. Still extremely pleasurable, but actions were more varied.
"Shiit" he cursed arching his back at her nails.

He grit his teeth gazing at her with pure animalistic lust and thrust into her harder in response "You're a bad girl" he licked his lips.
"I'm going to punish you for that" he cooed sweetly, yet his lips snarled in a way that said -I like that-
His hips swaying forward and back with surprising agility, delighting in her tantalizing body pinned up against the shower tiles.



Date: 2014-10-31 10:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati smile back softly, looking at Raven with curiousity. "Oh yeah? And how are you gonna punish me?" I'm pregnant so you can't really do that."

Her legs were getting sore so she kept one leg wrapped around his waist and left the other standing. He was still able to stay inside of her as she arched her back on the shower tile. The smell of his sweet sweat smelled good to her, making her boy pin more closer to his body.

She placed soft kisses along his neck and around his Adams apple. "I'll always be your bad girl...." she whispered letting him know he was all hers.

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Date: 2014-11-05 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
Raven followed her and climbed onto the f0ot of the bed, sitting cross-legged, playing with the details on the quilt, his eyes down cast.

"I'm just..worried..i'm leaving on tour soon, and I wont get to see you much leading up to it..rehearsals in stuff" he sighed

"But..I don't want you to leave with questions unanswered..I don't want you to...to stew over it all..and get...I don't want you to leave me while i'm away.."

He looked pained, it was hard for him to explain his thoughts, he was usually a very private person, but he was always looking for a listening ear a caring heart to try to at least let them know how hard he really had it, hoping someone would understand.

"But..I also know...the Doctor called..and you said too...that the concussion..you won't remember some stuff"..he bit his lip nervously "You might have forgotten our fight..what it was about?"

These early parts of a relationship were always hard, and then it dawned on him.

"Do you..even want to be..my girl?.." he was hesitant, in the rush of excitement about the baby he's forgotten that they hadn't officially decided to be together yet.

"I know you're pregnant with my baby..and...I do Love you Tati...but...I want to know....for you..if you wanna be with me?...I know i'm....messed up, because of my childhood and stuff..and i'm not always easy to be around" he begun tearing up slightly, scared that she might say no. He would still take care of her, pay doctor fees and anything she needed to help with carrying the baby, recovering from her concussion. If she said no, he would ache, but he wanted her to be happy.
Edited Date: 2014-11-05 06:04 am (UTC)

Date: 2014-11-05 07:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
"I know we won't see each other but don't feel bad that you're not going to see me. I'll be okay. Hey, I won't leave you. I'll just be a phone call away."

She winced. "I remember some of it, but not all of it. I know you were cussing at me and told me to leave and I left... that's all I can fully grasp."


When Raven asked if she wanted to be his girl, she thought for a second that they were already together. "I thought we were already together? It's kind of...." she placed both of her hands on her ungrown belly, smiling at him sitting at the foot of the bed. " It's kind of obvious that we're officially together. I love you, and I would love to be your girl."


She sat up and pulled him towards her for a kiss to symbolize them officially being a couple. With the touch of her fingertips, she wiped away his tears from his eyelids. "Just because you didn't have a fairy tale childhood and you think you're messed up doesn't mean I won't fight for you. I'm going to do the best that I can while recovering from this concussion leading into giving birth to our baby to make sure you're happy. You're my best friend... I love you."

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Date: 2014-11-07 02:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
It had been two weeks since Tatiana came back from the hospital, Raven was in and out at all hours of the day and night to check up on her in between his rehearsals. He had also begun recording demos for some song ideas that had been churning in his mind since that day in the Dance room. He bit his lip remembering it and was instantly turned on, remembering their reflection in the mirror. He shook his head to shoo away the tantalizing memory as he tried to execute the dance movements, step step, arm swivel, stomp, side side, jump, pause.
He was sweating profusely and it was now countless how many times they'd done this particular set. But it was the opening song and he needed it perfect.

His mind wandered again, later today Tati was going to meet Karen, and their photo shoot would happen. He was so excited, his girl had such wonderful ideas for it too. His beautiful Loving girl, mother of his child, he sighed softly forgetting for a moment he was wearing his microphone.

"You okay Mike?" came a voice on the overheads.

"uh..oh..yes i'm fine!" he called back, blushing furiously.

Once everything was done he rushed away in his car home, there he hastily peeled off clothes and headed to the shower, then all clean and hair thoroughly washed he skipped happily upstairs to find his Tati.

He peeked his head around the corner of the room "Baby?" he whispered "are you awake?...We have that photoshoot today remember?" He smiled widely happy to be with his beloved again, today was just for them both.
Edited Date: 2014-11-07 02:23 am (UTC)

Date: 2014-11-07 02:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Over a two week span, Tati tried to get used to her body developing in baby mode. She was thankful for Raven coming in and checking up on her when he wasn't busy with his work schedule whether it was either eating, watching tv or sleeping together.

Raven was at one of his rehearsals when it was time for photo shoot day. She was overwhelmed with joy to FINALLY do this! She woke up smiling, went to shower and have her usual now pregnancy breakfast craving. Afterwards, she went to get dressed and waited for him.


She didn't know what time he was coming back and went back to the en suite, promising never to hurt him again and not touch any of his stuff, she started reading a pregnancy book on what to expect when you're pregnant when she heard her sweetheart calling for her.

"In here..." she responded, getting up from the recliner in the room to greet him with a kiss. "How was your day?"
Edited Date: 2014-11-07 02:41 am (UTC)

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Date: 2014-11-09 07:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati stood in her designated spot trying to calm her nerves. "Yes, I'm ready" as she breathed in and out before the photographer got into position under the lighting.

She looked at Raven with piercing eyes while keeping her face soft and elegant, holding a En pointe (http://www.girlslife.com/image.axd?i=28480) position with her toes. She looked at the photographer with enlarging loving eyes never keeping the same pose as she was still standing on her toes.

"I'm so nervous" she whispered to Raven, feeling her stomach tighten up like knots were forming.

Date: 2014-11-09 07:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
"shh it's ok baby, i'm here" he whispered back, settling his face and tightening his jaw, bottom lip jutting out slightly and brows lowering in a fierce stare, bold and fiery for the camera. Then he tried a more 'doe eyes approach' He moved about holding her either at the waist or along her legs depending on the pose. at one point he hoisted her up briefly after a steady 1..2..3.

"touch up" the camera man called and the makeup artist came running in to dab away the sweat off Raven's brow and re-apply where it had come off.

"You ok Raven it's not too hot?" she asked. "No no i'm fine, the sun is setting we gotta get this!" he was impatient and in "work mode" and Karen nodded knowingly, then as she walked away smiled at Tatiana, delighted her friend had found someone to be with and gifted him with fatherhood.

"Good?" the photographer shouted

Raven Looked towards Tatiana "You need anything, a drink a snack?" he wanted to keep going so they didn't miss the sunset, but as she was pregnant her comfort was trumping it for importance.

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Date: 2014-11-13 08:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
The next morning, Tati woke up to get ready for their first doctors appointment when she was suddenly hit with a wave of nausea. She tried to keep quiet while Raven was sleeping on the other side of the bed, going to the toilet to hover over and vomit.

She was just fine a day ago while they were at the beach doing their planned photo shoot so it didn't occur to her that she would be experiencing morning sickness so soon.

"Gosh, we're going to be late..." she whispered. She hoped the doctor would be understandable regarding their situation.

Date: 2014-11-15 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
Raven used to be quite a deep sleeper and quite hard to wake up, even Elizabeth Taylor his best friend often struggled to get him out of bed. Nowadays he was the opposite, a light sleeper, and he roused from his sleep when he felt Tatiana shift out of bed and pad on bare feet to the bathroom.

"Is everything okay baby?" he called out a little worried about her, they had the doctor visit today and he was really looking forward to it.

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Date: 2015-02-01 06:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati sat up a little bit when Raven sat at the end of the bed requesting for help. "Yeah, sure. Do you have a particular theme to go along with your costume?"

She paused. "Hey, when do you actually leave? I'm just... trying to get prepared before you leave and all. Plus, I don't know how long you'll be gone and whe - I should stop with all the questions...."

Date: 2015-02-23 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
His eyes lit up when she inquired about his outfit, one thing he absolutely loved (next to water fights of course) was costumes and dressing up.

He lent forward and kissed her hand gently, a smile tugging the corner of his lip.

"I can show you!" He stopped mid rise to his feet "oh"

"well...uhm, I think in three months? Or was it two? I think i've lost track of time...I..I might have to ask my secretary? Sorry girl..i'll find out okay?" He gave her hand as reassuring squeeze.

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Date: 2015-05-29 06:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-tatiana-x.livejournal.com
Tati watched Raven swirl the bubbles in the bathtub as he started to speak. She was torn herself; he was about to go on one of the biggest legs of his tour to provide for his family. It was hard for her to make a miraculous decision but it was in her best interest to stick with something that was going to be well planned.

Tati turned her face towards his and reached down to grab his hand. She swallowed hard and nodded 'yes' to indicate that she approved of the nurse.

"I think that would be great for me and the baby. Thank you."

Date: 2015-05-29 06:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scream-4-mercy.livejournal.com
His brow furrowed a little at first unsure of her reaction, but feeling her hand slip over his eased the troubled thoughts. It was going to be okay, they would get through this, and he would try his best to make it a smooth process, but nothing in this world is a certainty. He tried to push away that pessimistic ideal, he would set a goal and get there no matter what it takes.

Raven lifted her hand and kissed it gently, savoring the touch of her skin against the brush of his lips. "would you like help out of the tub?" He stood and reached for a plush towel from the bench beside him.

"I should make a few calls....uhm..Mother doesn't know yet.."

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